Jokes...

[Blupanther 20,360]

[Blupanther 20,360]

[nw42 1,814]

A man goes to the cinema and finds himself seated near a boy with a golden retriever sat next to him. The film starts but the man is increasingly distracted by the dog who is laughing uproariously during the comedy segments, gasping and pointing a paw during the shocking scenes and whooping and hollering at the action scenes. The man is totally awestruck by the animal and as the credits roll he leans towards the pair and says "That dog of yours is truly amazing. He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. I just can't believe it."

The boy replies "I'm shocked too! He hated the book."

[customhouseregular 1,618]

10 minutes ago, nw42 said:

A man goes to the cinema and finds himself seated near a boy with a golden retriever sat next to him. The film starts but the man is increasingly distracted by the dog who is laughing uproariously during the comedy segments, gasping and pointing a paw during the shocking scenes and whooping and hollering at the action scenes. The man is totally awestruck by the animal and as the credits roll he leans towards the pair and says "That dog of yours is truly amazing. He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. I just can't believe it."

The boy replies "I'm shocked too! He hated the book."

Very silly but made it laugh.

[customhouseregular 1,618]

Just now, customhouseregular said:

Very silly but made it laugh.

me not it.

[YerRopes 2,770]

5 hours ago, Blupanther said:

Are you sure that's not your good self with a belly full of super vitamins etc.. 

[Blupanther 20,360]

[iris123 15,482]

Please give generously 

[auntie doris 1,926]

Sweating when you've got to put fuel in the car, feeling sick when you have to pay for it, you have carownervirus.

[ruffdiamond 5,948]

4 minutes ago, auntie doris said:

Sweating when you've got to put fuel in the car, feeling sick when you have to pay for it, you have carownervirus.

'NEXT'!!!

[auntie doris 1,926]

Today I ate a goat's cheese sandwich, he was bloody livid.

[SlicktrackSandy 25]

BRIEF SYNOPSIS

These pants are very short

 

[nw42 1,814]

A woman takes a very limp duck into vetinary surgery. The vet took out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest for a moment or two then shook his head and said "I'm sorry your duck has passed away."

"Are you sure?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Your duck is dead." he answered.

"You've hardly examined him. He could be in a coma or something. You've not run any tests at all." She protested.

The vet rolled his eyes and left the room returning moments later with a black Labrador dog. As the woman looked on in amazement the dog stood on it's hind legs and rested it's front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet took the dog away and returned with a cat which he proceeded to place on the examination table. The cat sniffed delicately at the bird, shook it's head and meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

"I'm sorry," said the vet, "but this is most certainly a dead duck." He then turned to his computer hit a few keys and produced a bill for his services.

"£150!" cried the woman, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!"

"I'm sorry," he replied. "If you'd taken my word for it then the bill would only have been £20, but with the lab report and the cat scan it's now £150."

[customhouseregular 1,618]

21 hours ago, auntie doris said:

Today I ate a goat's cheese sandwich, he was bloody livid.

I love one-liners. Short and funny.

[customhouseregular 1,618]

4 hours ago, nw42 said:

A woman takes a very limp duck into vetinary surgery. The vet took out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest for a moment or two then shook his head and said "I'm sorry your duck has passed away."

"Are you sure?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Your duck is dead." he answered.

"You've hardly examined him. He could be in a coma or something. You've not run any tests at all." She protested.

The vet rolled his eyes and left the room returning moments later with a black Labrador dog. As the woman looked on in amazement the dog stood on it's hind legs and rested it's front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet took the dog away and returned with a cat which he proceeded to place on the examination table. The cat sniffed delicately at the bird, shook it's head and meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

"I'm sorry," said the vet, "but this is most certainly a dead duck." He then turned to his computer hit a few keys and produced a bill for his services.

"£150!" cried the woman, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!"

"I'm sorry," he replied. "If you'd taken my word for it then the bill would only have been £20, but with the lab report and the cat scan it's now £150."

This is really funny. I’m still laughing.