TotallyHonestJohn 3,078 Posted June 26, 2020 Honestly Will we see some speedway this season? Who knows... Think the funnies can be curtailed at the end of the month as some serious movements in the sport may be on the horizon... There may be some interesting press releases coming soon as well from July onward... Here's hoping... Lets hope so but here is a Friday smile just to finish the week off There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere in the world they wanted, their tradition dictated that they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem. Soon, the king's tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king. Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use, the ropes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him. The wise men of the island recognised a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: "People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones." Boom Boom (I know I'm sorry they get no better) Stay Well; Stay Safe; Socially Distance at all times and have a great weekend Regards THJ 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tsunami 10,219 Posted June 26, 2020 4 hours ago, TotallyHonestJohn said: Honestly Will we see some speedway this season? Who knows... Think the funnies can be curtailed at the end of the month as some serious movements in the sport may be on the horizon... There may be some interesting press releases coming soon as well from July onward... Here's hoping... Lets hope so but here is a Friday smile just to finish the week off There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere in the world they wanted, their tradition dictated that they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem. Soon, the king's tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king. Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use, the ropes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him. The wise men of the island recognised a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: "People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones." Boom Boom (I know I'm sorry they get no better) Stay Well; Stay Safe; Socially Distance at all times and have a great weekend Regards THJ ......and no touching. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
proud panther 1,498 Posted June 26, 2020 I wen't to see a faith healer with a group of friends, but he was that rubbish, even the bloke in the wheelchair got up & walked out. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ruffdiamond 6,115 Posted June 26, 2020 1 hour ago, Tsunami said: ......and no touching. are you allowed out yet mate? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tsunami 10,219 Posted June 27, 2020 23 hours ago, ruffdiamond said: are you allowed out yet mate? I've had another letter from the NHS and apparently I'll be Let out in 1st August. Yippee. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jenga 2,998 Posted June 28, 2020 12 hours ago, Tsunami said: I've had another letter from the NHS and apparently I'll be Let out in 1st August. Yippee. just in time to back into lockdown ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ruffdiamond 6,115 Posted June 28, 2020 1 hour ago, jenga said: just in time to back into lockdown ! Can just join the BLM and do what the ffff we want 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tsunami 10,219 Posted June 28, 2020 1 hour ago, ruffdiamond said: Can just join the BLM and do what the ffff we want I'm too pink apparently. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TotallyHonestJohn 3,078 Posted June 29, 2020 Honestly End of June and nearly July... WOW... Longest day gone and darker nights are coming and only 179 days to Christmas... Where the hell has this year gone... an still no Speedway... Oh well 2nd last joke for your delight... In the great desert lived a bunch of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief. After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing a beard, especially in this hot and dusty land. So he decided that he wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice. When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, sire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware." Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale. Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader. The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned." Boom Boom Regards THJ 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TotallyHonestJohn 3,078 Posted June 30, 2020 (edited) Honestly End of the month so... Last one... Also the most intellectual... (if I say so myself) A Native American chief had three wives, each of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a tepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a tepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story tepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides." Now is that not clever? Speedway banter from tomorrow I promise and I will start with a bit of gossip which may not be well received... Stay well; stay safe and look after yourself... Regards THJ Edited June 30, 2020 by TotallyHonestJohn missed out key word Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gazzac 1,013 Posted June 30, 2020 On 6/29/2020 at 1:46 PM, TotallyHonestJohn said: Honestly End of June and nearly July... WOW... Longest day gone and darker nights are coming and only 179 days to Christmas... Where the hell has this year gone... an still no Speedway... Oh well 2nd last joke for your delight... In the great desert lived a bunch of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank, due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief. After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing a beard, especially in this hot and dusty land. So he decided that he wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice. When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked. One said, "Do you now remember the ancient legend, sire? The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware." Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale. Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard. As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader. The council then knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned." Boom Boom Regards THJ No, not using the 'C' word again in the summer!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gazzac 1,013 Posted June 30, 2020 29 minutes ago, TotallyHonestJohn said: Honestly End of the month so... Last one... Also the most intellectual... (if I say so myself) A Native American chief had three wives, each of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a tepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a tepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story tepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides." Now is that not clever? Speedway banter from tomorrow I promise and I will start with a bit of gossip which may not be well received... Stay well; stay safe and look after yourself... Regards THJ More likely had twin girls and wanted to lock them all upstairs to keep sane in the years to come? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TotallyHonestJohn 3,078 Posted June 30, 2020 2 minutes ago, gazzac said: No, not using the 'C' word again in the summer!! Well if you haven't noticed it does come around every year and its only another 178 days before Santa comes down your chimney Unless you have been naughty gazzac then all you will get is a lump of coal... "Buddy the Elf" doesn't have a look in when it comes to Crimbo with THJ... I love it... I wish it could be Christmas every day... as Roy Wood once sang... Are you ready gazzac? (Yeah) When the snowman brings the snowWell he just might like to knowHe's put a great big smile on somebody's faceIf you jump into your bedQuickly cover up your headDon't you lock the doorsYou know that sweet Santa Clause is on the way Oh well I wish it could be Christmas everydayWhen the kids start singing and the band begins to playOh I wish it could be Christmas everydayLet the bells ring out for Christmas When we're skating in the parkIf the snow cloud makes it darkThen your rosy cheeks are gonna light my merry wayNow the frosty paws appearAnd they've frozen up my earSo we'll lie by the fireTill the sleet simply knocks 'em all the way Well I wish it could be Christmas everydayWhen the kids start singing and the band begins to playOh I wish it could be Christmas every daySo let the bells ring out for Christmas When the snow man brings the snow (when the snowman brings the snow)Well he just might like to know (he just might like to know)He's put a great big smile on somebody's face So if Santa brings that sleigh (Santa brings that sleigh)All along the milky way (along the milky way)I'll sign my name on the rooftop in the snowThen he may decide to stay Well I wish it could be Christmas everydayWhen the kids start singing and the band begins to playOh I wish it could be Christmas everydaySo let the bells ring out for Christmas Under your arms, check it!Oh well I wish it could be Christmas everydayWhen the kids start singing and the band begins to playOh I wish it could be Christmas everydayLet the bells ring out for Christmas Why don't you give your love for Christmas Good old Crimbo you just cant beat it.... Its BRILLIANT... Regards THJ 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TotallyHonestJohn 3,078 Posted June 30, 2020 7 minutes ago, gazzac said: More likely had twin girls and wanted to lock them all upstairs to keep sane in the years to come? Honestly You haven't got any Austrian heritage in your family by any chance have you... Josef Fritzl not an uncle or cousin or something? Just askin like... ya parenting skills may be lacking somewhat!!! Locking up ones children is not the done thing these days gazzac... Oh and there are only 178 days to Christmas... Yeah... Regards THJ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gazzac 1,013 Posted June 30, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, TotallyHonestJohn said: Honestly You haven't got any Austrian heritage in your family by any chance have you... Josef Fritzl not an uncle or cousin or something? Just askin like... ya parenting skills may be lacking somewhat!!! Locking up ones children is not the done thing these days gazzac... Oh and there are only 178 days to Christmas... Yeah... Regards THJ I always thought I had a load of unnecessary old rubbish in the memory bank, but I think your amount is astonishing, well done . PS, got two boys and a daughter, haven't seen her for a few years, better check the attic! ( Only joking, she's lovely and a speedway fan along with her brothers) Edited June 30, 2020 by gazzac 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
