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I think Harry should take up painting, (if Meghan will let him of course). Then he can call himself, 'The Artist Formerly Known As Prince'.

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Breaking news. Serious accident at Nestle in York. A worker was crushed when a shelf of chocolate bars fell 50 feet on to him. Nobody came to his aid as every time he shouted “ the milky bars are on me” they just stood and cheered.

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My next door neighbour bought a dog from a local blacksmith. When he got it home it made a bolt for the door.

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A man went to his doctor with a piece of lettuce protruding from his rectum. That looks nasty said the doctor. Nasty? Replied the man. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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My wife said she is leaving me because she can’t stand my filthy habits. I couldn’t believe it- I nearly choked on my toenails.

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My pet mouse Elvis died last night. He was caught in a trap.

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I got a useless birthday present this week, a Bonnie Tyler SatNav. It keeps telling me to turn around and every now and then it falls apart.

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Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn’t tried wiping his a*se with an iPad.

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On 3/11/2021 at 7:48 AM, customhouseregular said:

My next door neighbour bought a dog from a local blacksmith. When he got it home it made a bolt for the door.

Lucky escape, it could have made a spring for his balls. :blink:

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My new bumper sticker came today...

Funny Wife And Dog Missing Reward For Dog Slogan With Retro Style Novelty Bumper Sticker Design Vinyl Car Sticker Decal 175x60mm

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Blupanther said:

My new bumper sticker came today...

Funny Wife And Dog Missing Reward For Dog Slogan With Retro Style Novelty Bumper Sticker Design Vinyl Car Sticker Decal 175x60mm

Lady Gaga offered a reward for the return of her stolen dogs, never mentioned a reward for the arrest of the men who shot the dog walker. :blink:

Edited by tyretrax
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15 minutes ago, tyretrax said:

Lady Gaga offered a reward for the return of her stolen dogs, never mentioned a reward for the arrest of the men who shot the dog walker. :blink:

That was a strange one...

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A man went to the doctor saying he thought he was going deaf. What are the symptoms asked the doctor. The man replied...They’re that yellow family from Springfield.

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