TotallyHonestJohn

Honestly I should have been n Prague last week watching a GP but that didn't happen obviously so I had a drunken weekend from the Thursday to the Monday (well I had booked the time off before Christmas) and as this week has been a bit of a write off I am blowing it off tomorrow as well... Two more stone on in lock down... you just don't realise how many calories there are in Beer, Wine and Spirits... Doh!!! oh and carry outs... honestly who wants to cook when stodge (curry (Indian not Chinese as they started this carry on) pizza chips kebabs) is this cheap and delivered to the door? So as I was missing last week here are some lighter notes to hopefully make you smile in eternal lock down... A ship wrecks onto a deserted island. Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing... so they bury her. A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a tepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a tepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents." A moth goes to a physiotherapist I am so tense I am over thinking everything I do; I am in a total quandary The Physio say’s “you need a psychiatrist mate I’m a physiotherapist what you come in here for” The moth said “you were the only one with a light on” A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings. The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives. The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives. The mathematician runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death. Boom Boom Stay Safe; Stay Well and here's hoping if we do get some Speedway all your home meetings are 49-41 and all you away meetings are 44-46... By the way staying on a Speedway note I have really enjoyed the Rewind/Rerun meetings on the various platforms and it just shows (to me anyway) how well suited Speedway is to being televised; I watched that Man City/Arsenal match last night and it was awful with no crowd the atmosphere was "crepe" even when you don't see the crowd on the TV the noise of the bikes builds on the entertainment; Footballers (even well paid ones) shouting "Over here mate" and "Pass the ball" just doesn't do it for me. Pity Speedway couldn't get a better buy in from terrestrial television because crowd or no crowd it doesn't take away from the entertainment (for me anyway)... Just a thought... Regards THJ

Honestly My Granddad used to work at and help run the Clarence Street Mission between the wars and he used to do the "Magic Lantern Show" would you believe... He was Shieldfield born and bread... He had a stable at Back Stephen Street behind the Cumberland Arms which took a direct hit the same night the Appollo got bombed... 100 Chickens in the yard and they couldn't find a feather... Small world... Regards THJ

And that's the end of the Joke as all three of them were idiots!!! Oh Dear and someone said my jokes were bad... Boom Boom... Now Dave this is a big give away mind it got to Number 1 in 1962 and I can just see you at the "Club a GoGo" on Percy Street or even the "Majestic" on Clayton Street wearing your "Crepe Soled Brothel Creepers" best Teddy Boy "Drape" jacket on; drain pipe trousers and hair "Brylcreemed" back forming the perfect DA (that's a ducks bottom for the under 95's) and probably the oldest rocker in the queue (apart from Elvis) (Tartan Campbell) (who would have still been a boy then) LOL.... Bee Bumble and the Stingers LMAO.... and for all those under 129 years of age here we go children.... All the best from Rockabilly Tsunami... Regards THJ

Here is a smile for Friday and a true story... (Cough Cough) The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” “Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?” "Oh… That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones. He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?” The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologises and lifts the needle onto the next track. Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognise any of these sounds." The assistant apologises again and lifts the needle to the next track. The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. "This is outrageous false advertising"! "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!" The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" "This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!" The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. "I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side." Boom Boom... Bee Side Ha Ha... get it? Oh never mind have a nice weekend Stay Well and Stay Safe Regards THJ

To be fair (and trying not to come across as a Monarch) (Smug) it was pointed out to Glasgow fans 2+ years back that the club was losing cash hand over fist and that the place was being underwritten by the Facenna family business for six figure sums per annum as a corporate social responsibility on their company accounts and that this had been the case from when they first purchased to spot... yet the argument at that time was totally denounced as lies and jealousy; however "The Red" documentary has proved this to be fact... I also agree where you state that Glasgow and their fans are in a very fortunate position with such generous benefactors as the Facenna family and it also needs noting that this isn't their personal accounts or wealth that is being impacted but that of their main business and as long as they run the club as a charity on the basis of it being an aim of their main companies corporate social responsibility to support local sport and their main business remains profitable then this is fine and long may it reign... However the motor industry are having hard times at present... Crunch time will come if they ever sell their business and the new board/owners make a decision as to whether they will continue to support sports in the the local community or pay their shareholders a larger dividend... this is when it may come down to the Facenna family to underwrite the club with their own hard earned cash and at £100k plus a year losses its difficult to see this happening unless there were changes... I would suggest the club would no longer be allowed to live beyond its means if they stayed in charge under that type of scenario... I would also suggest the main reason that Glasgow have been honest and up front about saying they are not running is more down to the logistics and them having the common sense to see that it will be a logistical and financial nightmare to try and run Speedway without it costing even more money... Why run and lose say another £100k over half or quarter of a season when you can shut up shop and lose nothing (or very little) by not running at all... you have to respect what the promotion have done and I have been reliably informed that there will be no penalty imposed on Glasgow or any club for that matter should they decide not to run which is quite correct IMHO... and having 6 overseas riders in the team this year would raise problems. The Glasgow promotion I am sure would have much rather preferred to run if it wasn't for the issues raised in these strange Covid ravaged times and they have been brave enough to grasp the nettle with both hands and well done to them for doing so; they wont be the last promotion to make or take this decision I am sure of that and it will be interesting to see which way the BSPL jump (eventually) with regards to trying to run a fixture list which has so many hurdles to navigate before a wheel is turned... it just may be totally beyond them... The other thing of note on here are the vastly different opinions as to whether the sport should run at all this season and the questions that are being raise and the debate it is generating... I was in the "speedway should run camp" when this thing broke but now I am starting to think "should we? it may not be a good idea" and slowly residing myself to the fact that "maybe its not a good idea and we should write the season off totally" a fascinating debate. Interesting times and as stated well done Glasgow it may start the ball rolling on a definitive decision on whether we move forward or not and possibly give it up as a bad joke; write the season off and look to next year... But I honestly think we may still be in some form of Covid 19 impacted life style come the start of next season so we may be no further forward... I sincerely hope not but we will see... Regards THJ

To be totally fair Dave, George would have answered to anything cos he just enjoyed the craic , he wasn't proud and could talk about anything to anyone no problem... didn't have a bad bone as the saying goes... Regards THJ

Honestly What a shame and the reasoning behind the statement makes total sense... promotion doing what they deem is the right thing for the safety of their fan base... fair play to them and I don't think they will be the last... unfortunately... Regards THJ

Honestly I'm not that sure where the Monika Pepsi come from to be fair and Tsunami has gave a good response and Gavin Parr is also someone who could shed some light on it... but I remember going to the world final as a kid in 73 and he was on our bus (one bus of about eleven I think that went from Brough that year) and he was Pepsi George then and I asked why he was called that and the simple answer was he didnt drink and if he was ever asked if he wanted one his response was I'll have a Pepsi... but he still went to pubs and the club and was high up in the RAOB (I think) and done a lot for charity but he never really mentioned anything about that... however as often as he went out he wouldn't drink apparently... not sure how true that was but it sounded feasible... another genuinely nice bloke who loved his Speedway and followed the Diamonds for years and some of the pictures at the afterwards of his funeral were very interesting... Another one sadly missed Regards THJ

Honestly She's a lovely lass... heart of gold...we last had a chat a couple of years back at Pepsi George's funeral when he passed away and she came to pay her respects... tried me best to get her back to the pub for a drink but she doesn't partake in any alcohol and I even offered something alcohol free but she headed off straight after the service... Regards THJ

Honestly... Slow news day... So something for the weekend... a triple smile... A guy is late for an important meeting. But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking space right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. "Never mind. Found one!" A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." It could've been worse. James is walking through the town one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention. "Not so good," says Harry. "Why, what happened?" James queries. "Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do." "Could have been worse," James replies calmly. "Could have been worse." A month or so later, James again encounters Harry, in a restaurant. "And how are things now?" he asks. "Terrible!" says Harry. "Our house burned down last night." "Could have been worse," "Could have been worse," says James, again with total aplomb, and goes about his business. A month later, James runs into Harry a third time. "Well, how goes it?" he inquires. "Oh!" says Harry. "Things just get worse and worse. It's one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me!" Harry nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual words: "Could've been worse." "Could have been worse," This time, Harry grabs James by the shoulders. "Wait a minute!" he says. "I'm not gonna let you off so easy this time. Three times in the past few months we've run into one another, and every time I've told you the latest disaster in my life. Every time you say the same thing: 'Could have been worse.' This time, for God's sake, Harry, I want you to tell me: how in Heaven's name could it have been any worse?" James looks at Harry with the same little wisp of a smile. "Could have been worse," he says. "Could have happened to me." Boom Boom.... Stay Well; Stay Safe and have a great weekend... Regards THJ

Honestly What a real shame Chris is a great lad; His dad was a nice fella so was Tom his other "Spanner Man" and little Doreen who lives in the borders must be past herself as she supported Chis for years... Hope things sort themselves out sooner rather than later and he gets back on his feet... Get well soon "Big Boy"... Regards John Oh and on a lighter note a couple of laughs about Chris that I will never forget... His waxing escapade in the bar at Brough to raise money for the air fence (I think) when a flock of women led by Gillian set about him with waxing strips and a razor (I believe) and if you had seen him stripped to the waist it looked like he was wearing a mohair jumper tucked in at the waist and when he came back looking like a plucked pheasant; pink wasn't the word he was actually bleeding... and still with that beaming smile... and the time he decided to take a short cut across the centre green when avoiding a fallen rider and we asked in the bar what he was thinking about and he said he hadn't seen the fallen rider he was going for a gap but forgot he had to go round the 3rd and 4th bends... he said "I though I had cracked it and found a fast way around Brough" and again never stopped smiling... Great kid; some good laughs and always came in the bar for a chat and a pint (usually because (Pepsi) Tom was driving) it was a pleasure to be associated with the Guy... a genuinely nice bloke... Get well soon pal from the BFG; Leah; George; Doug; Kyle and Emily... Regards THJ

So its 51 years ago to the day that Apollo 10 was launched Apollo 10 Launched: 18 May 1969 UT 16:49:00 (12:49:00 p.m. EDT) Lunar Orbit: 21 May 1969 Returned to Earth: 26 May 1969 UT 16:52:23 (12:52:23 p.m. EDT) NASA was preparing for the Apollo project. When NASA were preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practising for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognising a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land." Nearly a true story that (well at least the first bit was true anyway and the second part could also have been true to be fair) Stay safe; keep well and look after yourself Regards THJ

So its Friday again not that it feels like a Friday in these crazy times however here's a smile to start the weekend.... The Germans and British were reaching a stalemate in WWI. So in World War 1 when the trench warfare was at its height, and neither the British nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, Geordie came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, "Why not? It's not like we have any better ideas." The next day, a British soldier called out, "Hans!?" A German popped up and shouted back, "Ja?!" Boom, the German was shot dead. The next day the British shouted again, "Hans?!" "Ja?!" Bang: Shot dead. This process continued over the next couple of weeks. The Germans were losing large numbers, and were now finally catching on. The Germans had an emergency meeting. They thought they could come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the British. Thus, a German asked, "What is a popular British name?" "Tommy!" replied another. The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan. A German shouted, "Tommy!?" A Brit called back, "Is that you Hans?!" "Ja!" Boom And that is how the British won WW1. True story that!!! (Cough Cough) Stay Well; Stay Safe and have a great weekend... Regards THJ

No the employee gets it for 50 pence a bottle the punter pays 450% more at £2.75 a bottle... Soupy prefers the draft ale from the pub... The bottle price actually makes the draft price in Spoons look like a good deal... I will keep an eye out for it and give it a go... when given the chance that is... Regards THJ

So if he gets it for half a quid a bottle how much would it cost the non employees to buy because at 5.5% ABV I bet that ain't cheap Regards THJ

Have you done any of them though Soupy that's the question Regards THJ

Honestly Mal these Micro Breweries will not be your bag mate; they are far to expensive for a tight "arris" like your good self... I mentioned yesterday Lidl Byker 20 Bottles of Stella £9.99 is more you for sure... but never mind if you want to try a bit of culture and hit some local ones just to say you have been... there is the Anarchy Brew Co at the Benfield Business Park, https://anarchybrewco.com/taproom/ Nice food and The Boot Boy Brown Ale is very tasty; oh and a warning they don't do full pints!! beer comes in 1/3 and 2/3 pint glasses!!! (three good swallies and a big one has gone) If you want something cheaper you can try the Middle Club on Walker Road where you will find the Tyne Bank Brewery & Tap Room which actual name is the St Peters Club rather than the Middle Club for the uninitiated https://en-gb.facebook.com/stpetersclub/ haven't been in the Middle Club for a long time now but it was always a canny spot. The Tyne Bank Brewery & Tap Room was the one originally on Brinkburn Street (I think) and one of the first Micro Breweries in the local area and the first one I ever tried until they went into the club but they still brew the beer round the back (again I think) on Brinkburn Street. So it doesn't travel very far... around 20 metres I reckon (if that) Then there is the new one which I have been made aware of but haven't been to yet in Hoult's Yard but Charlie Hoult has been raving about it on Linked-in and once the ban is lifted and the Pubs open back up again I will be giving it a go... this one is called the Full Circle Brew Co https://fullcirclebrew.co.uk/ and another spot on the same site The Pip Stop https://www.thepipstop.co.uk/ but I think The Pip Stop is more of an outlet for the stuff rather than a micro brewery but as I say I will give those two a go and see what the craic is once we get back to some sort of normality... If you want an invite when I go let me know and the first round is on me... That goes for anyone else who fancies a pint its an open invite and all three of these spots are within a 2 mile radius of Brough Park just for a reference... Regards THJ

A washed everything a had even me sel... ya can get bored once in ya life on a warm day and regret it for ever... a even found and filled me washer bottle... Regards THJ

God loves a trier... a divin"t wash me own vehicles let alone anyone else's... al pay ye to recommend someone else... Regards THJ

Ha Ha Is that you hanging over the Tesco wall Geoff in your usual position No wonder the crowds were down... Tut Tut.. What were ya standing on? Regards THJ

Your not wor lass are ya Jesus it goes form bad to worse... go and take that dog oot for a walk ya need to shake ya napper... Sorry but am socially distancing from any work whatsoever... especially Decorating... ad rather pay someone to do that rather than me do it... You'll be tellin as to get the hoover and the iron oot next... OMG... Good ideas are definitely not ya strong point Ruff... Regards THJ

Hey man a bicycle... am a fat lad noo... sounds like to much exercise that... I would only go on a bicycle if it was a "Goodies Style Trandem" with Pienpeesman in the front you in the middle and me on the back... if them's the best things ya can think ov go and lie down till the thinking wears off... Lidl (Shields Road) are doing 20 bottles of Stella Artois (not me favourite but it does at a push) for £9.99 and I have been five times now in the last week and bought a brace at each visit so am well stocked up for the moment... 200 little amber bullets in a green bottle... just need two more for the fridge in the office and that will be it just about cracked for the rest of the month... Am built for comfort these days not rushing around; been there done that got the tee shirt... So we've had Plan A a dog and Plan B a bicycle whats Plan C cos neither of them have floated me boat Regards THJ

Honestly Had a Bull Mastiff called Bazyl (he was bad at spelling) big soft lump and I got him to just over 10 years from a 8 week old pup which wasn't bad for a Mastiff, cried for a fortnight after I buried him in the back garden and that crying wasn't because of the blisters on my hands after digging a big hole to put him in (nearly got to China that day) and the callouses on me hands were there for about three month after that escapade with a spade; however I vowed after him I wouldn't get another animal... He went in 1996... Then low and behold an old pal of mine passed away in Cumbria and I inherited his dog a Black Labrador called Rob and luckily I scored for another fantastic dog; just like Big Baz he was a really intelligent dog and another big soft lump... got him at 7 and a half and seen him to just over his 12 birthday and when he went I was a bigger wreck than when the first dog went... totally cabbaged; took him back home and he got buried in a garden in Dearham 2018 with a James Grieve apple tree over him to mark the spot... (see what a did there cos his first dad was a big speedway fan (Comets) too) (like James Greaves) ... and honestly it was like losing one of the family I couldn't watch Cruff's without filling up and still cant its terrible.. So that's it with animals I've been spoilt twice with brilliant dogs who were great pals but I get far to attached... I don't even want a fish; a cat; a spider nowt not even like Private Baldrick in Blackadder who had a pet slug called Graham that when he died (Graham that is) Baldrick used him as a moustache... so no thank you no more pets... I will baby sit a mutt for a couple of weeks if someone was wanting to head off somewhere... but no as Jason Donovan once said "Too many broken hearts" Thanks but no thanks... Regards THJ

Honestly Some interesting (and valid) views and as I said originally I am usually a pot half full guy but most of the issues of running this season have been highlighted very well, lock downs; social isolating; quarantining; rider availability; competition format; ground availability where the facilities are hired off companies who run dog tracks and other facilities that may cause issues when opening up stadiums and that's before you even mention good old health and safety. Also how confident would the fan base be at coming back so soon after the Covid outbreak peak with no idea whether it (Covid) would come back again with a vengeance... Although I was asked yesterday if the pubs opened up tomorrow would you want to be the first one in there (what a stupid question) and he did say (laughing) he knew what my response would be as he asked the question; however not everyone is as thick or reckless as yours truly because I would be in the pub or at a meeting like a rat down a drain pipe; others however may be much more cautious... I mentioned on the Glasgow thread way back when this thing was breaking that we may not see Speedway before June/July and now unfortunately I am struggling to see it happening at all this season... Real shame because the new season offered so much... I am secretly hoping we get some action this year however I think it will be a struggle and I feel genuinely sorry for the new restructured BSPL and Rob Godfrey because they are really between a rock and a hard place on what they can do in the current situation and for Rob Grant who was fired up; sorting the track out; pulling a team together at short notice and really fired up to hit the ground running to get the Diamonds back in the game for this season only for Covid to well and truly pull the rug from under his feet... Very frustrating... but what can do!!! Finally I am not a fan of Donald Trump however like Donald all my curries will be of the Indian variety from now on and I will never get another Chinese carry out as long as I have left on this planet.... Just a token gesture for them starting the Chinese Flu and inconveniencing the planet!!! and making me have to stay in on a Sunday and watch mind numbing "crepe" on the telly.... and while I am on moaning how rubbish has the TV been... are they thinking that because they have a captive audience they can put out any old dross they fancy because they don't need to try... Usually if the telly is rubbish I go to the pub and I cant even do that at the moment.... Arrrrgggghhh!!!!! Regards THJ

Honestly Totally agree and I think you are spot on here but you can't blame them for thinking about giving it a go... Regards THJ