BigFatDave 258 Posted August 26, 2007 I've heard a vicious rumour that some of youse Pomgpolians coming Down Under for the OzChamps are planning to stay over, and even take out Citizenship. Here's a simple questionnaire to see if yer good enough! http://www.jokes.org.au/australian-citizenship/ NB Any single Sheilas aged 16 - 25, if yer need any help with the answers give us a yell! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigFatDave 258 Posted September 5, 2007 (edited) Further to last week's post about immigration I've been asked a few questions about the Climate, the people and what to expect over here for all youse "New Chums", so here goes; (Country of Origin in Brackets)__________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. __________________________________________________ Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks(Sweden)? A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. __________________________________________________ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? __________________________________________________ Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross*. Come naked. __________________________________________________ Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. _________________________________________________ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. __________________________________________________ Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross*, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. __________________________________________________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British politician, right? __________________________________________________ Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. __________________________________________________ Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. __________________________________________________ Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. __________________________________________________ Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. __________________________________________________ Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay night clubs. __________________________________________________ Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. __________________________________________________ Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first I hope this helps. All these questions and answers were taken from an Oz Tourist Board Site by the way, good to see someone's got a sense of humour! *Kings Cross for those who are unaware is the red-light district of Sydney. Edited September 5, 2007 by BigFatDave Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
podster 0 Posted September 16, 2007 Round 3: Borderline Speedway, Mt Gambier, SA - Saturday, January 5 anybody what time this meeting starts? am on holiday in tassie and am needing to know what time flight to book from hobart to melbourne. and also any ideas how long the drive will take?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Sir Lunchalot Posted September 16, 2007 Hi Podster Work on a start time of around 7:30. It may be later if we have to wait for the sun to go down but it won't be any earlier than 7:30. The drive from Melbourne to Mt Gambier will take something like 5 hours. The other option is to fly to Mt Gambier (about an hour from Melbourne). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigFatDave 258 Posted September 18, 2007 (edited) Round 3: Borderline Speedway, Mt Gambier, SA - Saturday, January 5 anybody what time this meeting starts? am on holiday in tassie and am needing to know what time flight to book from hobart to melbourne. and also any ideas how long the drive will take?? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hey Podster, if yer flyin' over then hang on to twenty-five bucks to cover the cabfare from the Landing Ground into the teeming metropolis of Mt Gambier - track's about 10k outta town, a magic track not unlike The Shay. See ya there M8!! By the way after a morning trip round the Blue Lake its a pleasant afternoon doing a crawl up the main drag sinking a coupla Crownies in each Waterhole, I think there's Ten Pubs from (Blurred) Memory! Edited September 18, 2007 by BigFatDave Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigFatDave 258 Posted October 2, 2007 In response to Australian Tourism's "Where the Bloody Hell are you?" Campaign Pommy tourists are now turning up wearing "Where the Bloody Hell are We?" T-shirts! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigFatDave 258 Posted December 21, 2007 (edited) Counting the sleeps now; six left 'til I jet off down south again for another fix of Solo Action. Spent the day stuffing around on the 'puter sorting out last minute stuff Should be catching up with the Pomgolian Tourists in Adelaide, provided the Firefighters and Security People don't go on strike at Heathrow. Can't wait to see all them Palefaces! Mind you, after they've seen the New Year in in Sydderney there may be a few pairs of dark glasses in evidence! Edited December 21, 2007 by BigFatDave Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bryn 413 Posted December 21, 2007 Counting the sleeps now; six left 'til I jet off down south again for another fix of Solo Action. Spent the day stuffing around on the 'puter sorting out last minute stuff Should be catching up with the Pomgolian Tourists in Adelaide, provided the Firefighters and Security People don't go on strike at Heathrow. Can't wait to see all them Palefaces! Mind you, after they've seen the New Year in in Sydderney there may be a few pairs of dark glasses in evidence! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Will you PLEASE stop rubbing it in Big Man! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigFatDave 258 Posted December 25, 2007 Will you PLEASE stop rubbing it in Big Man! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ...Weather Forecast for Mildura, Fine, WARM TO HOT! Still raining, Bryn, or can't you see through the Fog? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bryn 413 Posted December 25, 2007 ...Weather Forecast for Mildura, Fine, WARM TO HOT! Still raining, Bryn, or can't you see through the Fog? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Fog's gone - still ruddy wet though! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Sir Lunchalot Posted December 26, 2007 ...Weather Forecast for Mildura, Fine, WARM TO HOT! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Last time I was there the meeting got rained off and I got half drowned !! To well and truly rub it in the MC at the after meeting wake proudly boasted "did you know that's only the second meeting to be rained off at Mildura in about 35 years ?" Who said humour was dead ? ... it's all in the timing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigFatDave 258 Posted December 26, 2007 Just heard that the meet & greet at Mildura on Friday night has been moved from the Brewery Bar to the clubhouse, rider jacket presentations plus Leigh Adams will be getting a special presentation from Mildura Council. As long as they haven't cancelled the Finger Food, I haven't had a decent finger in ages! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
