I'm afraid you are not really in the touch with the real world, if you jokingly think you expected that outcome. But hey ho its sarcasm so it's alright.
Marketing can be a drip drip with initiatives, and being supplemented with other initiatives. I don't see companies like Sainsburys, Asda, etc just putting an advert in a local freebie paper. I do see leaflet drops, National adverts on TV, Bill boards and national newspapers.
You tend to talk down everything at the moment, which gets tedious and loses you credibility.